Ok. So, you are not even going to believe this one, ok? It's like I think the whole like world is totally like smoking crack and then they are like "look at us! We're totally like whack! And you know what, Princess? You know what? We're totally not even going to share our smack so you can be as whack as us and also so you can understand just what the eff is going on!" I mean, it's like I have heard some doozies in my time, but this one totally like takes the cake, ok? It's like here's the cake and here's the doozie and–oh! Look out! Here comes that doozie and he totally looks like he's up to no good, or something. Oh! There he goes! That doozie totally took our cake! Our cake is gone and it got like taken by a doozie!

It's like here I am, doo doo doo just like minding my own business, you know. Doo doo doo. And then Billy like totally starts to act like a totally selfish head. I mean, he comes up to me and I go, "hey Billy-Willy. How's my model-wodel doing today?"

And he goes, "just finey-winey, my wittle protein shake."

And so I go, "what do you want to do today, my blondie bear?"

And he goes, "well, my wittle kissy face, you know our wedding is only like two months away now."

And I go, "yeah."

So he goes, "coming right up."

And I go, "uh-huh."

And he goes, "so I was wondering if you wanted to take me out to jewelry stores today so we can pick out my ring."

So I go, "oh, Billy-nilly-kuhtilly! I love jewelry stores! Yes yes yes!"

And so he goes, and this is the part I cannot even believe, he goes, "great. Grab your checkbook and I'll start the car!"

So I go, "oh, silly. Grab my checkbook? What am I gonna do with a checkbook?"

And he goes, "buy my ring, of course."

So I go, "why would I buy your ring? I'm the bride?"

And he goes, "yeah. At the wedding we exchange rings. They're like gifts we give to one another. I give you a ring which is a symbol of the vow I make to you and you give me a ring which is the symbol of your vow to me."

So I go, "yeah, but I don't have to like pay for it. I'm the bride. Brides don't pay for things for the groom. That's just crazy."

So he goes, "no, there's a few things the bride pays for. The groom's ring, gifts for the bride's maids, the groom's gift."

So I go, "what are you talking about? I'm the bride? Why would I give my bride's maids gifts?"

And he goes, "to show your appreciation. To say thank you for standing up for us at our wedding."

And I go, "Is this some kind of joke? Am I on Candid Camera? Because if there is a camera here and you didn't tell me and I didn't get to run a brush through my hair I swear to the Lord our God I'll totally like kill you, Billy! I swear it!"

So he goes, "no, I'm serious. This is the way it's done."

So I go, "I'm the bride, Billy. The bride, ok? It's like I'm the B-R-I-D-E, you know? I don't give gifts on my wedding. I get gifts. I'm the receiver of gifts on my wedding day. That's why it's called my wedding day, you know? I mean, it's not like we're black or something."

And he goes, "I know we're not black. Princess, that's just the way it's done."

So I go, "now you listen here, Billy. I'm the bride, ok? I'm your bride. I'm your gift. And if you want me to give you anything else that's called sexism which is like totally disgusting to me that I could be marrying a sexist pig. So we're going to go get you a ring right now so I'm not embarrassed in my wedding and you're going to have to bring your credit card because I'm your gift, not some ring, ok? It's like I don't know why you people are all against me like this. I'm just trying to put together a princess perfect wedding here."

Can you even believe him? It's like he's acting totally un-modelesque.

So we go to the jewelry store and I pick out a ring for Billy, and it was platinum and had like two three quarter karat diamonds and it was only like four thousand or something. So he goes, "Baby, my cards are already maxed out."

So I go, "listen. This is my wedding and it's the only one I'm ever going to have. Don't you embarrass me by making me give you a ring that looks like it totally like came from a gumball machine, ok?"

So we like left the jewelry store and we were totally like arguing and fighting and then it was like the voice of the Holy Spirit came down and whispered in our ears, "models don't act this way. You're both being very unmodel-like."

So we went home and we like sat on the sofa and my mom was there, but we were totally like into each other so we were like totally trying to ignore her. But she like totally had this like great idea. So we went back out, and a hundred dollars later we walked out of the Walmart Jewelry department with a like beautiful ring.

And that is the story of how Billy got his wedding ring.