Ok. So, you will not even believe the lesson God like taught me this morning, ok? It's like every once in a while, if you've been totally Christ-like, you get a special message and it comes just for you from the Lord our God and you cannot even believe this, but the message from the Lord our God totally feels like it arrived in a box, in like a pale blue box, with a white bow, which is totally the kind of box you get when you get something expensive from Tiffany's, you know? It's like the message is so precious that it feels almost the same as getting jewelry only it is totally different because with jewelry you have something to show for it but with a message that comes from the Lord our God, you totally have to keep it on the inside because no one can like see it or something. I mean, you can't like wear a message from the Lord our God to a fabulous model party unless you call up a jeweler, doo doo doo, calling a jeweler, and then totally go, "I want you to spell out this message that I totally got today from the Lord our God in gold and jewels and then turn it into a bracelet, or wait it should totally be on a chain around my neck because that way when people look at my chest they have pure thoughts about the Lord our God and they stop having like impure thoughts about–other stuff.

Well, this morning I was totally at work and I go to like check my email or something because usually Billy, who is my fiancé and who is also a model with perfect like model hair and totally hot abs because he only has like four percent body fat and he like lives at the gym because he's totally like into looking totally hot, usually he sends me like a morning Bible verse and then he like tells me what it means to me when we talk on the phone at lunch or something. And this is like totally unusual, but he's really like smart for a model, you know? I know!

So this morning I'm like doo doo doo. Where's my verse? And then I totally find my email from Billy and I click it and I read it and you will not even like believe this or anything, but it totally relates to like my life, ok? I mean, because I'm like totally getting married in like 116 days, and today's verse it was totally like about that. Ok. Here goes. It totally said, "Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband." Ephesians 5:33.

I mean, can you even like believe that or something! The Bible, the like Word of God, or something, totally says that Billy has to love me as much as he loves himself and he is totally a model with like four percent body fat, so he is totally like in love with himself, ok? It's like here's how much he loves Lauderdale, and here's how much he loves me, and like here's how much he loves himself and here's how much he loves the Lord our God, and here's how much he loves modeling. But now, after this, here's how much he loves me and like here's how much he loves himself and they are like right in line now, ok? It's like now they have to be totally the same so sayeth the Lord our God!

So, I'm feeling all, you know, like happy or something when my phone rings and it's totally like my mother, ok? And she was like crying on the phone so I go, "What is it now, Ma?"

And she was like, "Oh, Princess. I'm afraid I may have been a bad mother. I'm afraid I didn't teach you the things you should have been taught."

And I go, "Ma, I told you not to like feel bad that I never had a dad. I told you that I understand it was a difficult time for you. I mean, you were only like fourteen or something and from what you've told me, I'm just like lucky you didn't abort me, ok? And so what if I'll never know if I'm part black? That doesn't make you like a bad mother or anything."

And she was all, "no, I just mean, I see you and your brother all grown up and out on your own and I just wish I had done things better, been more loving, taught you to be more compassionate, more giving, more selfless."

So I go, "Ma, I don't have time for this, ok?"

And she starts crying again and she goes, "I just worry about you, ok? I'm your mother! I'm supposed to worry!"

And I go, "look, Ma, you did a fine job, ok? It's like look at me, ok? I'm like a woman now, a grown woman. And not only that but I totally go to church, Ma. I go to church. So, I'd say you did something right, you know?"

And she goes, "I guess."

So I go, "you guess? Ok, just like totally answer one question, ok? True or false. Princess has a bumper sticker that says 'His Pain, Your Gain' and has like a picture of the crown of thorns on it, and that bumper sticker is like totally on the back of Princess' car and is like even bigger than the sticker she has on the back of her car that says 'Lite Hits on KYWQ.' Ok? True or false?"

And she goes, "True."

So I go, "There. See? You totally rock, Ma. I'm a good person. And if you need any more proof, just answer this, ok? Who am I marrying?"

And she goes, "Billy Goldenberg."

So I go, "and Billy Goldenberg isn't just anybody, is he? He's a–"

And she goes, "he's a model."

So I go, "Right. See? You must have done something right if your daughter is like totally marrying a model. I mean, do I have to say anything else?"

And she goes, "I guess not."

And that's when I totally like got it, you know? It's like the Holy Spirit used today's verse and that conversation with my mother to like totally teach me a like very, very, very, like valuable lesson or something.

Today, the Lord our God, taught me that I'm doing everything right and I should be adored and if there's anybody in my life who does not treat me like the most precious jewel in the world, then that person should like totally not be a part of my life. I mean, I'm a Christian for Heaven's sake! I go to church!